Again
by Vicious-Okami
Summary: This is what takes place after a duel called revolution, after Ohtori becomes just another school, it's secrets becoming just that secrets once more. This is what happens to Utena... Five years later.


Live in virtue, no desire. In the grave an angel's choir. You look to heaven and wonder why. No one can see them in the sky. Just as the clouds have gone to sleep. Angels can be seen in heaven's keep. Alone in fear they question why... Goddamn not an angel when I die. Angels live, they never die. Apart from us, behind the sky... They're fading souls who've turned to ice. So ashen white in paradise. Just as the clouds have gone to sleep. Angels can be seen in heaven's keep. Alone in fear they question why... Goddamn not an angel when I die. Goddamn not an angel when I die. -Rammstein

_**Summary:**_ This is what takes place after a duel called revolution, after Ohtori becomes just another school, it's secrets becoming just that, secrets once more. This is what happens to Utena...years later.

AGAIN

Life revolved around a series of memories. Those delightful little "deja vu" moments-the faint inkling as if you should _know_ this person, remember this, anything. It shaped ones future inadvertently, provided history to look back on; told of past mistakes and what not to do next time 'round. These series of memories were what life was all about.

Unless you wake every morning to a stranger. Staring back at you with void less blue eyes. Your eyes or someone else's? You would wonder. They held secrets in them, you would think, they twinkled teasingly. They knew something you didn't know and they aren't not tellin'.

_Nyah._

Life for me started five years ago when light finally penetrated the ever present darkness and I was delivered from morpheious and into the breathing machine that kept her..._me_ alive. _"For at least 2 years," _I'd been told, _"You'd been brought in for severe abdominal wounds, spinal damage, and head trauma."_ I was suppose to be a vegetable the moment I'd slipped into that coma. After finally identifying and getting in touch with my... family. My fate had been placed in their hands. The hands of people erased from my memory, in these hands they'd given my life and...

I'd survived. A vegetable, me? Never. Quite the success story actually. Physical therapy was a blur, relearning motor skills, a distant sigh on a nights breeze. All that remained during that period was the fact that I was a nobody...

They called me _'Utena' _but that name had never fit. It never rolled smoothly off the tip of my tongue. Saying my own name was awkward. No one noticed or maybe they just didn't seem to care about that pink-haired little girl who over came the odds...who graduated with honors...was the apple of her father's eye, spoiled rotten in her mother's opinion. A quick witted tomboy. A jerk with boys; had parents that loved to talk things out...

This stranger became a personified enigma. A mystery to her own with no family, no matter how many times the words "Mother" or "Father" were forced past her lips..._My_ lips with a distinct accent. Yet a voice, far away would always whisper soothingly to me.

_Conflicting emotions. _

_I couldn't even decipher them all but they were laced together by the common string of betrayal that she'd...I'd..._

"Ms.Tenjou?" My grip on the pen became unknowingly violent. The pressure causing it to snap in half, red ink leaking onto shaking, unsteady fingers.

"Ms. Tenjou." Steel blue eyes snapped to attention. I was in my classroom. I could have laughed then, I was in my classroom flashbacking like some war veteran. One of my best student, Ami, was staring at me, I'm guessing, in a worried fashion through the thick glasses she wore. She placed her essay on my desk, her oral presentation was over, the rest of the students clapping politely. I didn't even know she'd been talking. I didn't even know she'd gotten up. So lost in an inner monologue.

"Oh-ah-" I clear my throat, hurriedly wiping my hands with a handkerchief, buying time to compose myself a little. "Yes, very good Ami. That's all we have time for today class." I say and I realize that my words were rushed together. That the ink still stained my fingers a vicious crimson.

_Why wouldn't the ink come out? It was making me nervous...all that red on my hands. Warm and wet..._

_Just like blood...it's color...like blood._

"Ms. Tenjou, are you alright?" The bell rang, and Ami stayed behind while her classmates filed out bringing with them their noise leaving us in silence. "Yes...yes I'm fine." I glanced at my napkin in disgust before tossing it into the waste basket, "You better go too Ami or you'll be late. And you know I don't write passes."

"...Yes ma'am...Ms. Utena," Ami corrected with bow. Surprisingly a light blush colored her pale cheeks. _Oh, you've got to be kidding me_. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose with a middle finger, a motion that had me lifting a brow. _Did I say that out loud or something?_

"See you tomorrow." And she was gone. _I guess not_. Well, wasn't that interesting, perfectionalist Ami had a little secret. A rather ridiculously obvious secret. A crush on a teacher. A teacher who defied the dress code by dressing like a man. With her white suit striped in black up the sides, spilling onto the front jacket, ridiculously long pink hair tied back in a tight pony tail. Oh I know what they said about me, I know how they described me. Rebellion rules apparently.

At lunch I was picking at the leftovers of a bento -- heart shaped rice balls made with love, from Wakaba. I allowed myself a smile, faint even though my mood had grown dark. I've had this since of foreboding since I roused from that memory lapse. The storm was coming; That was the only way I could describe it. You see I tasted it, copper -- something was going to happen.

"Oh, C'mon Utena, what's with the long face? You look like someone murdered your best friend." Odd analogy. Juri was head of the fencing department violent as hell when it came to fencing and she was currently poking me with a chopstick like it was a knife, "Trouble in paradise?" She says.

"It's the weather." I reply ignoring her jibe. She knew my relationship with Wakaba was a touchy subject. She was one of my students for crying out loud.

"The weather." Juri emphasizes.

"If things go wrong blame it on the weather."

"Interesting philosophy."

"It works," I said, crumbling a rice ball before popping another into my mouth, swallowing. Mm...delicious, "-better than blaming some poor unfortunate soul." Juri grunted, packing away the remains of a healthy bento lunch, "There must be more to it than that, Tenjou. It's a beautiful day. Almost heavenly -- perfect weather."

"Say that again." I demand. The way her voice sounded just then, sent chills down my spine and pictures flashing in my head. It was deja vu all over again.

"Say what again?"

"My last name...it sounds _familiar _when you say it that way."

"What way?"

She looked at me blankly and I couldn't help but laugh just then. The confused expression on her face was just too cute. Glancing down at my watch I noticed lunch was nearly over, "Juri..." I gathered my stuff, "See you."

_[Miki_

I've been watching her ever since I been here. For some reason, she never notices me, her eyes never linger too long. I'm just another face in a sea of endless faces. Juri says she has no memories of anything, not one, and doesn't show any sign of regaining them. Juri says we shouldn't bother her, that we have all been given a second chance. But I've never been one for restraint, I'm awfully curious...as to why she chose to block her memories like that. I bet, she was forced. Akio's ultimate revenge for achieving something that shouldn't have been achievable. But, who's that say it worked? Who's to say this world isn't but another illusion from the mind of a demented, dead, prince from a long, long time ago?

I hear that she and Ms.Wakaba are lovers. Okay, I saw that they were lovers when I followed them home. I'm awfully paranoid. My dreams are filled with death and betrayal, a foreshadowing of things to come; things past. The opening of blind eyes. I think something is stirring within Ms. Utena.

Within us all. I was never this way. I've changed. But oh, haven't we all?

Ms. Utena is a teacher, an English one at that. I would have thought her a P.E. coach, but an English teacher? I guess we never really a know a person, until they don't even know themselves. Secret ambitions are discovered. But that isn't the point, she's a teacher, which means she's older than us. I don't understand how that happened, at Ohtori she was a year or so older but here she's a few years our senior.

Odd.

Why is that? The first to awaken, yet…no memories.

_Click_. I rest my thumb on the button of stop watch. It's still an odd habit I indulge in, a few clicks here and there feeding the flames of my obsession. It draws attention, but today, I feel like doing exactly that. Today, I'm going to attract Ms. Utena's attention and slowly force remembrance because, you see, I miss Ohtori. I want it back because at Ohtori and I had a twin. I don't have that twin anymore. Kozue's gone, I haven't seen her since the revolution and it's killing me inside.

The bell rings just as I sit down in my seat and pull my assignment from out my satchel. I worked all of last week on this poem and trust it will show. It will shine above the rest and she will see me for the first time in forever and she will remember, something, anything, I swear it. And when class finally started and Utena stood in front of her desk my hand was the first to shoot up to volunteer to go first.

I'm pouring my heart into this. I have no idea why these words came to me and I don't care. I turn my back on my classmates, and I look at Utena, face to face. I search her eyes, I long, I lust, I want her to know me.

"Miki…" She is surprised, "Please face the--"

_I Realize This Is One Man's Sin But I Can't Deny That You're Pulling Me In._

I cut her off, never breaking my gaze as I begin the first line. Her head cocks to the side, regarding me curiously. You think this is another teenage crush, don't you? I've lived two lives, searching…You are not her, you are not Kozue but for this short period in time I will pretend.

_  
You Found A Way To Get Inside My Head.  
And, Yes, I'm Gonna Know Better Than To Sleep With You But At The Same Time I Got This Need To Feel You._

_  
Let Me Put My Hands All Over You._

I Feel I'm Falling In.

She coughs, a bit red in the face and even though I hear the gasps of my peers I know she will not interrupt. It's not in her nature to censor. __

And If I Threw You Off I Didn't Intent To.  
I'm Just Wondering Do You Feel Me, Too. And You've No Idea What I'd Do To You.  
Do You? Do You? Well, I Do.

Is this really a poem, I'm wondering, Or am I pouring all my hidden and thoughts and feelings? I close my eyes briefly and when I open them Kozue is standing before me and I reach out a hand to her.__

Come Lie With Me And Then Let Me Touch You For Hours On And Steal A Little Piece Of Happiness.  
And, Yes, I Ought To Know Better And I Thought It Through But I Can't Shake The Need To Please You.  
Tell Me What You Need I'll Give It To You.

I cup her face, so much like mine, feeling the skin of her mouth with my thumb. I look deeply into the depths of those blue orbs, the color a bit off but I pay no mind. If only this were real…__

I Feel I'm Falling In. And If I Threw You Off I Didn't Intend To.  
I Just Wanna Know Do You Feel It, Too.  
Do You Wanna Know What I'd Do To You? Do You? Do You? Well, Sure You Do.

I'm leaning in closer, to do what? Kiss her? My own sister…but she moves back.__

And If I Threw You Off I Didn't Intend To. I'm Just Wondering Do You Feel Me, Too.  
And You've No Idea What I'd Do To Do To You? Do You? Do You?  
Didn't Mean To Offend You I'm Just Wondering Do You Feel It, Too.  
I Wanna Know Do You Want Me, Too. Now Do You? Do You? Well, Maybe You Do.

And grabs my wrist as the last verse is said. Her grip is surprisingly strong , "Miki…" She breaths and the voice is all wrong. I'm brought back to reality by catcalls and shocked laughter. It is not Kozue I'm looking at but Utena, "I think you should leave." She says this quietly, as to not let anyone else hear. Her chest is rising and falling rapidly, soft pants escaping her. Her demeanor is wild, I've never seen her like this before. Mission accomplished, she will definitely take note of me now. I allow her a small smile, never in my life would I have been so bold, but things are different. I place my paper on the desk , pick up my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. I can't help but look back at her before I leave.

To be Continued…

AN: Hm…every time I portray Miki I seem to make him a little insane. He is my favorite character by the way. Although I want this to be more about Utena…Miki always sneaks in. Well, let's just see where this story goes, I found this chapter in an old notebook in mind and decided to run with it. I've got all the time in the world now. See you next chapter. 3 P.S. The poem was song lyrics to the song "Fallin In" by Tapping the Vein. I'm listening to it right now, go figure.


End file.
